How Long Til Hunter Starts Dealing?

LA MESA -- Well East County voters managed to inspire laughter across America Tuesday night, choosing an indicted, philandering incumbent over a challenger whose only baggage was a name that sounded, perhaps, a bit too foreign.
Start your stop watches now. How long until attorneys for the newly returned Duncan Hunter call the federal prosecutors and start the negotiation.
It should go something like this:
Hunter Attorney: 'The people of East County have passed judgment on your indictment and it doesn't hold up. A jury won't be any better for you.'
Prosecutor: "We'll let the jury decide.''
Hunter Attorney: 'Well, let's not be rash here. If the goal is to protect the system, perhaps there is room for negotiations.'
Prosecutor: "What do you offer?'
Hunter Attorney: "No admission of guilt but an agreement to resign from Congress in the best interest of the nation.''
Prosecutor: "It was $250k and a rabbit on a family trip.''
Hunter Attorney: "The rabbit was a beloved family member. Let's not bring the kids into this.''
Prosecutor: "He pleads guilty. He apologizes. He resigns. He makes restitution. He does three months in a minimum security facility.''
Hunter Attorney: "Would a trial bring worse?''
Prosecutor: ''You think he bought other things in the name of sainted wounded veterans?''
Hunter Attorney: "Did he?''
Prosecutor: "A trial will air it all.''
Hunter Attorney: "How about he resigns, makes restitution over ten years, but admits no guilt and does community service.''
Prosecutor: ''What kind of community service?''
Hunter Attorney: "Teaching at junior college.''
Prosecutor: "What course, Ethics 101?''
Hunter Attorney: "Now you're being mean.''
Prosecutor: "Okay. It's a deal. But I insist on a short 'perp-walk' in handcuffs.''
Hunter Attorney: "Can he carry raincoat over the cuffs?"
Prosecutor: "It never rains in Southern California.''

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Comment by Batman on November 15, 2018 at 3:03pm

Sometimes you have to just have to clench your teeth and choose between the lesser of two devils. If a potential terrorist sympathizer had been elected to congress nobody would be laughing.

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